Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
