I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
