He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
