you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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