They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
