Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
