Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
