It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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