Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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