He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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