You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
