Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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