I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
