That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
