he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
