There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
