I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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