Where did you get a picture of my penis
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
