I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
