He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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