I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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