Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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