How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
