I faked an abortion last night.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
