I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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