my vag is so smooth its legendary
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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