the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
