I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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