he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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