Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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