Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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