On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
