i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
