I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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