I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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