My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
