She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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