I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
