when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
