My liver just broke up with me...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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