Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
