Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
