party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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