i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm both gender and math confused
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
