she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
