i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
