Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
