Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
