K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize
