He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
